If I could sum up listening in 4 steps, here is what they would be:

Step 1 - Listen - Here are some ways most of us listen:

- we listen until we know enough to solve the problem.

- we listen for when the other person has stopped making noise so we can talk.

- we listen while thinking of what we are going to say back.

Step 2 - Listen to the words Listen to the words. Listening carefully to the words helps us to...

Step 3 - Listen for the heart Listening for the heart is the key. What is my partner feeling? What hurts do I hear? What hopes do I hear?

Step 4 - Listen - We have two ears and one mouth, to be used in that proportion.

Listen - Ok, I know it sounds so simple, yet it is so powerful.

Think about it. How do you feel when you know you are really being listened to?

How do you feel when you are talking and you know you are not being listened to?

See the difference?

Listening while you read the paper is not listening.

Listening while you watch TV is not listening.

Listening while you work on the computer is not listening.

Listening with your eyes, attention and heart is listening.

Sometimes I think that one of the most valuable things I offer clients in my office is to be completely (most of the time ;)) focused on listening to them.

Listen. Listen to the words. Listen for the heart. Listen.