In my article "Ten Steps To The Ideal Relationship" I identify Step 1 as: Do your own personal work.

It is necessary for each individual to become aware of and release the negative unconsciously stored self sabotaging relationship patterns they acquired during their early life. Unfortunately most individuals never do this and only find out about them after a failed relationship or an acrimonious divorce.

So what type of personal work is going to be effective in staving off relationship disaster?

Of course there is the psychotherapy route although this is something that in my 25 years of experience as a psychiatrist I must sadly say is ineffective at the best of times.

It is for that reason that I gave it all up in 2002 after a major realization that changed my life and those of my clients.

That realization is something that few of you will find easy to accept because it will challenge the very basis of what you have believed most of your so called life. Here it comes.

What you call your life history, which makes up your personality and which you identify yourself with is actually not who you really are.

Rather it is like a huge and elaborate computer program that is embedded in your unconscious mind and that places severe limitations on what you think you are capable of being and doing. That of course includes any potential success in the relationship field of life.

Most of the subroutines in your unique computer program represent what some psychotherapists refer to as "ego states" or "sub personalities". These are emotional states that the lay public and pop psychology call "the inner child", "the inner judge", "the inner task master' and so on.

These subroutines, if you look at them carefully are associated with certain well defined ways of being. When they become activated they essentially take on a life of their own and leave you feeling like an unwilling passenger in your own body.

In other words it feels like your mind and body have been hijacked by them.

Now modern psychotherapy attempts to deal with this by getting you to acknowledge, accept and negotiate terms with such inner programs in the hope that you will regain some right to your own life. Unfortunately this is like trying to negotiate with hostage takers who have their own agenda and who have you tied and gagged.

The only way to regain control of your mind, body and life is to completely purge these destructive programs from within.

Psychotherapy cannot do this for you. In fact the only modality that I know of on this planet that is capable of accomplishing this task is what I have called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) (MRP).

MRP was developed about ten years ago to help traumatized individuals who were suffering from multiple personality disorders, a more severe case of what I am talking about here.

The link however is that what you are experiencing as these subroutines (or sub personalities) is also the result of emotional trauma experienced as a child. These traumas set up limiting and recurring perceptual and behavioral patterns of how you now deal with others.

Many of these are not only inappropriate in the present they are self sabotaging when they engaged.

So getting back to my point. Doing your personal work in my view means releasing these subroutines, sub personalities and/or ego states once and for all so that you can reclaim the right to your life.

This allows you to be fully present, consciously aware of and in charge of yourself and your choices at all times. It also allows you to reconnect with the genuine and integrated human being that you were meant to be.

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