If the child has been treated and respected like an adult( without adult responsibilities and expectations) during early years, the child will be a happy child going to school. Stability at home is crucial for emotional and physical growth of a child. This stability is in the form of financial conditions, parental relationship, place of living and time spent with parents.

One of the most remarkable issues in a childs life is the relationship that the parents have between themselves. In almost all the histories that I have taken, in which parents had rows that the children witnessed regularly, children were affected and hurt deeply. The only exceptions were youngest children among large families. If they had older children to take care of them then they were not affected as much. The eldest child is usually the most affected by the rows. A child develops guilt when the parents are witnessed fighting with each other.

Many young parents in the West, change houses as they move up the financial ladder. Each such move affects a child and has long term effects. A child needs stability in order to feel safe. The conditions and environment, if comfortable, needs to continue to provide a sense of safety. Too many changes in places of living and too many changes in schools affects the child irreversibly negatively.The reason for this effect seems to be the stress that is experienced in adjusting to a new environment each time it happens.

If there are other children in the family, it is better not to compare them with each other. Each child has his or her own personality and strengths. Comparison with other children knocks the self-esteem of a child. This damage is irreparable when it happens at the hands of a parent or parents. If anythng, a few words of encouragement for anything positive is exteremely helpful in building up the self-esteem of a child. Most of the time, if a child makes a mistake, it is better to keep your mouth shut. It is unwise to criticise. Instead a child can be helped to learn as to what could have been done better or different in that situation.

Allow a child to speak out and express themselves. Expressing themselves does not mean they do it in a foul language, as one of my acquaintances did. She stated that she encouraged her child to express himself by using whatever language he wanted to use. This meant that not only the child was being allowed to be disrespectful to others, he was also being disrespectful to himself. If a child cries, let it be. It is not going to last for ever. Some experts theorise that other than an allergen, asthma develops when a child is not allowed to cry. In any case, being honest in emotional expression creates a happy individual.

In school, if a child is having any difficulty, he or she needs to be encouraged to talk to the concerned teacher first. This will help the child to learn how to deal with a problem. If the child does not feel confident, then as parents, the matter needs to be followed up with school authorities and concernd teachers. Most of the time the matter can be handled amicably. If the matter is not resolved and the child does not talk about it or is not encouraged to talk about it, matters can become serious. I have also found out that if such matters are taken lightly by the parents, the child loses respect for them because the parents failed to protect them.

Any situation in life that gives a child conflicting messages will be the cause of a problem in the future. When parents deal with a child, it is better that both parents give the same message. If it is not done, the child will be able to play politics between parents. The child also loses respect for them. This makes the child less decisive and more confused as an adult.

Copyright- Pradeep K Chadha 2006