I have been single most of my adult life. Married young at 23, widowed by 29, Ive had 1 long term relationship, dated countless men, indulged in interludes of passion and lust that have allowed me to discover what I desire and what I dont. On my journey I believe Ive discovered the secret.

Yes, I have lived and learned, as a student of human behavior I have observed men and women (singles and couples) and for the past several years have been a life-singles coach and have a myriad of clients that ask the same thing: where do I meet someone? and how come its so hard to be with someone?

Heres the secret: You cannot have it all! And before even contemplating to figure out the where and the how come you must decide one thing: you must decide freely whether to be the masculine energy partner or the feminine energy partner. Neither partner can be both. It just does not work! Scenario: you are successful in your career, but without a fulfilling romantic relationship, the skills you use in your business life, with the talents you need to employ in the bedroom and with a man in a relationship generally dont mix.

If you are a woman with more masculine energy and have found love, I will bet that it is with a man who has a lot of feminine energy.

What does that mean? Simply state, he has more estrogen in him, than his masculine counterparts.

Hormones: estrogen and testosterone, which one rules you is what youve got to figure outand generally, if a female has more masculine energy, it will be difficult for her to be with a very masculine type man.

Estrogen is the hormone produced chiefly by the ovaries and responsible for promoting the development and maintenance of female sex characteristics. (Sensitive, gentle and nurturing)

Testosterone is the hormone responsible for the development and maintenance of male sex characteristics. (Helps build muscle, elevates your mood and sex drive)

No, I am not saying play the game or by the rules bookbut you need to decide truly in your heart and in your mind.whether youre the female energy or the male energy. What does all that mean, well simple stated if youre anything like me, confident, competitive, ambitious and with a high sex drive) then you have more male energy than other women.

I have joked about it for years oh, I guess I have too much testosterone and you know what, I do and I dont hide it, whether at work or in my personal life, I have accepted and embraced it as who I am.

I am female in all outward appearances, from the way I dress, to love wearing makeup and jewelry and changing shades of blond every 3 months. But I have never nor will I ever play female for a mans ego in order to make him feel more important. I have never smiled coyly while listening to his chatter and feigned interest, nor do I bite my lip, tilt my head and just listen and not give my opinion and not say what I really think so he doesnt feel intimidated.

And this is the difference. Most masculine energy men, say theyre attracted to strong women, but in the end, they dont want to compete on an intellectual level. In conversing, a man with male energy does not want to hear your advice, but instead wants your support, encouragement and enthusiasm, even when you totally disagree!

That to me, is playing a game, in my opinion, its being manipulative, conniving and trying to attain a man as a means to and end, i.e.: the means being manipulative the end, getting the man .

I read somewhere that a woman should nourish a mans self esteem and not feel better than himI chuckled and called my best male friend, who is gay and has a lot of masculine energy, he doesnt want to compete with me, but appreciates my strength, confidence and intelligence.

And I admit I revel in being that woman! Why would I want to be with anyone (male or female) thats not at my level of intelligence?

Something I else I recently read, to be with a man a woman needs to feel small and helpless vulnerable and in need of being rescued. I guess I have never wanted to be rescued, dont feel helpless and although I am 5 tall, never, ever feel small!

My masculine energy is there. It makes me who I am and I cannot or will not change, for this is my life, I am not living it for anyone else.

Terri Giosia Life-Singles Coach, Motivational Speaker/Writer